SERMON

MARRIAGE GOD’S WAY II

Scripture Reading: Ephesians 5: 22-33

“Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

          Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

          This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.”

·        What is the Essence of Marriage?

Our God is a Covenant God, the Bible is a covenant book, and we are a covenant people.  God has clearly chosen to operate in the lives of His people on the basis of covenants.   What does marriage have to do with covenant? Everything!  God’s covenants withstand the ravages of time and eternity. (note: Mark 10:1-12). (READ THIS DIRECTLY FROM THE BIBLE).  GOD MEANS IT SO DO NOT TRY TO WEEDLE AROUND IT.

Marriage today is the union for life of a man and a woman by legal matrimony or wedlock. 

·        History of the Marriage License:  The idea of a “politically

correct” marriage license issued by the government was an invention of the magisterial church of the Roman Empire. In His book, History of the Ancient Church, Dr. Hugh Wamble, professor of Church History at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, recounts that the Licensure of Marriage started around 1522 when the Pope Adrian VI and the Caesar Borgia, who happened to be brothers made an arrangement to affect a census for taxation purposes. The church made money and the state made money. That is why you have to purchase a marriage permit to have a legally contracted marriage.  So the Roman government and the Roman Catholic Church colluded and the tradition has carried over into our form of government today.  That is the raw bones of the affair.  The important thing to remember is this:  marriage is not in reality just a legal contract (a piece of paper) but the covenant of faithful, disciplined, monogamy.  In the early days of our frontier nation wedlock was a very common mode of marriage. The occurrences of wedlock marriages are on the increase in our day.

·        So what then is the value of having a legal marriage?

 1) The granting of “durable power of attorney” in case of the incapacity or death of one’s mate.  This enables the caretaker to legally handle affairs of the disabled or the deceased.

2) It facilitates family togetherness, to include grandparents, cousins etc.

3)  Marriage enhances a relationship that is disciplined and committed.

·        Cohabitation problems:

1) Inheritance does not just automatically flow to the widow of a cohabiting husband or visa versa.  My uncle Albert cohabited with a woman for several decades.  When she died in her eighties, he was left homeless and penniless.  The individual states have their own peculiar laws regarding marriage.  In New York cohabitation for seven years has the same rights as legally contracted marriage.

2)  In cohabitation the back door to possible abandonment has been left wide-open.  The actual statistics of abandonment are far greater than the verifiable facts will allow because the incidents of cohabiting and subsequent abandonment cannot be recorded.  But legal marriage is a matter of public record. 

HOPE: When a couple who has been cohabiting decides to make the record straight by becoming legally married approaches this pastor, I will not turn them away, but will proceed with marriage counseling.  This promotes the healing to an ill-planned relationship.  The apostle Paul admonishes us to, “Do all things decently and in order” (1 Cor. 14:40).

As we discussed last week: Of the divine institution of marriage there can be no question.  Eve was made as a helpmeet for Adam, the first man, and the whole description of the mating of the pair in Eden is given to us as a  type, or example to convey an exalted idea of the relation.    In the New Testament, from the lips of the Jesus Christ Himself we have the divine approval of marriage and many statements that show the attitude of God toward it. Unquestionably, God’s intention in creating the marriage bond was that there should be one wife and one husband and vice versa; in other words, that marriages should be monogamous and not polygamous; that nothing should sever the relationship except death or adultery of one or the other of the parties.  These points are covered by the facts that only one wife was made for Adam and the statements of Jesus, who said that man might not put away his wife save for the one cause as well as, “What God has joined together, let man not separate”(Mk. 10:9).  God’s attitude toward marriage is perfectly clear and perfectly intelligible to humanity, absolutely nothing being left to interference, guesswork, or rationalistic manipulation of the standard.

·        The Distortion of Divorce

From the earliest times, however, the institution of marriage has been distorted by human rationalists to suit their convenience.  “Putting away” or divorce has been practiced at the will of both men and women. The great modern evil connected with the bond of marriage is divorce.  In recent years there has been a headlong tendency among all classes toward divorce, the courts recognizing very many causes for legal separation over and above the one cause mentioned by Jesus.  So widespread has the evil become that it has grown into a menace to society, threatening to overturn moral standards that are vital to the existence of the human race.  Many pastors, including, this pastor will not marry divorced persons, noting that since marriage to another is often the thing sought after in divorce cases.  Refusing to perform the marriage ceremony in such cases would be striking a blow at the root of the evil. ¹

So what have we said in Introduction? Five things:

1.     Marriage is a committed partnership between a man and a woman.

2.     Marriage is a cooperative effort between equal partners.

3.     Marriage is a gift from God.

4.     Marriage was designed by God.

5.     Marriage is intended to be a relationship till death parts them.

In Ephesians 5:32-33 NIV the apostle Paul wrote: “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

I.                  Marriage Requires Submission By Both Parties.

Submitting to another person is a concept that is often misunderstood.  It does not mean becoming a doormat.  Christ—at whose name “every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth” (Phil 2:10)—submitted His will to the Father, and we honor Christ by following His example.  When we submit to God, we become more willing to obey his command and to submit to others, that is, to subordinate our right our rights to theirs.  In a marriage relationship, both husband and wife are called to submit.  For the wife, this means willing to follow her husband’s leadership in Christ.  For the husband, it means putting aside his own interests in order to care for his wife.  Submission is rarely a problem in homes where both partners have a strong relationship with Christ and where each is concerned for the happiness of the other.

II.               Marriage Is a Challenge to Each Partner.

Why did Paul tell wives to submit and husbands to love?  Perhaps Christian women, newly freed in Christ, found submission difficult to put in its proper perspective Some may have adopted something like our modern “liberated woman” mentality, but more likely they had a hard time extricating their minds from a  servile mentality. Perhaps Christian men, used to the Roman custom of giving unlimited power to the head of the family, were not used to treating their wives with respect and love.   We who have been enlightened and set free by the Gospel know that husbands and wives should submit to each other ((5:21), just as both should love each other.

III.           Marriage is a Relationship in Which Both Partners Are Servants. 

In Paul’s day, women, children, and slaves were to submit to the head of the family—slaves would submit until they were freed, male children until they grew up, and women and girls their whole lives.  Paul emphasized the equality of all believers in Christ (Gal. 3:28).  But he did not suggest overthrowing Roman society to achieve it.  Instead, he counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice—wives to husbands and husband to wives; slaves to masters and masters to slaves; children to parents and parents to children.  This kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony in the family while it increases love and respect among family members, even to the extended family.

IV.            Marriage Is a Diversity of Roles within a Partnership of Equals.

Although some people have distorted Paul’s teaching on submission by giving unlimited authority to husbands, the fact that a teaching is not popular is no reason to discard it.  According to the Bible, the man is the spiritual head of the family, and his wife should acknowledge his leadership.  But real spiritual leadership involves service.  Just as Christ served the disciples, even to the point of washing their feet, so the husband is to serve his wife.  A wise and Christ-honoring husband will not take advantage of his leadership role, and a wise and Christ-honoring wife will not try to undermine her husband’s leadership.  Either approach causes disunity and friction in marriage.

V.               Marriage Is Helping Each Partner Grow.

The union of husband and wife merges two persons in such a way that little can affect one without also affecting the other.  Openness in marriage does not mean losing your personality in the personality of the other.  Instead, it means caring for your spouse as you care for yourself, learning to anticipate his or her needs, and helping the other person become all he or she can be.  The creation story tells of God’s plan that husband and wife should be one (Gen. 2:24), and Jesus also referred to this plan: Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:4) ²

CONCLUSION:

The relationship of a Christian husband to a Christian wife is to reflect the relationship of the ChurchChristTRUEChurchAMEN

.  As husbands, Christian men are called to “love our wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” (Eph. 5:25, 26).  Did you hear that—THROUGH THE WORD!!  HOW? --THROUGH THE WORD.   Husbands are you reading the WORD together in your homes?  Are you in the WORD daily for your own edification, so you can administer the WORD to your wives?  If you are not—EXAMINE YOURSELF.  Are you just playing church, are you playing a charade, a game of make believe?  Now is the time for resolve. Ask the Lord to help you.  The invitation for you is to attend weekly Bible Study with us who are serious about our faith. I do not ever want to hear again those arrogant  words, “I don’t do Bible Study!”  It is a must.  Perhaps your job will not allow you to join us in Bible Study. At least cultivate personal Bible study so you can feed your family.  Men that is your responsibility.   Do not take these words lightly.   to the Lord Jesus Christ, who will be soon returning for His of

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1. The Comprehensive Analysis of the Bible: MontgomeryNashville, 1922)  pp. 327-28.

   F. Essig, The Southwestern Company, (

2. The Handbook of Bible Application : Ed. Neil S. Wilson, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 

(Wheaton, 1992) pp, 404-406.